so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
