and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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