What did we do last night that was yellow?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
