i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
