fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
