Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
