he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
