No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
