One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
