I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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