It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
