Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
