Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
