he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
