Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
