I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
