she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
