I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
