I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sorry about my life...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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