check it out our google latitudes are spooning
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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