If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
