i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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