fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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