dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
