if you like me you must not know who I am
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
