Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Randomize
