Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
