he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
