they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
