HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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