so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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