dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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