You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
