I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
