stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
