Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
