my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
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