were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
