that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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