It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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