Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
