Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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