He told me they were just razor bumps!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
