The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
