I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
