My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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