I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
