I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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