i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
