Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
