Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
