You're completely useless in the revolution.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
